A Change Will Do You Good

Over the past year, I have been hospitalized for depression 3 times.  This may come as a shock to those who know me, but I don’t think of it as being week instead being strong enough to ask for help.  While inside the walls of a cloistered environment, everything is safe.  There is a schedule, people with whom one may talk, regular meals, regular med times, and mind numbing predictability (usually).  Being on the outside is scary.  Without the routine of daily life, one easily slips back into that depressed state of mind.  Some of us sleep life away while the television becomes our best friend.  Microwaved meals make for a very unbalanced diet and unhealthy to boot.  We skip those needed meds and double up to make up for the missed ones.  Routine is a necessity for keeping sanity.

I have spent most of the past year making goals, keeping a calendar, and filling it full of activities to aid in my constant struggle.  Recently, I started implementing those good intentions.  Applying to graduate school will give me a reason for getting up and another date to keep on my calendar.  I even dared to interview for a full-time teaching position, opting for a daily structure, the ability to live alone, keeping a healthy lifestyle, and making myself accountable over sitting in the dark and waiting for my student loans to be canceled.  However, this change toward routine and living life will force me to repay my student loans, take on added expenses, assume more accountability, and actively pursuing life.  My calendar is filled monthly with events to attend, grocery shopping, dr. appointments, school, tutoring, teaching, visits to the farmers’ market, weekend dancing,  religious services, and hopeful dates.

It is easy to fall back into unhealthy patterns, but often times we need that change in order to become healthy.  This isn’t just a mental change.  Everything must change from your view on life to the time you wake yourself up in the mornings.  Being sick and tired has left  me sick and tired, and change, whatever the costs to one’s lifestyle and pocketbook may bring, is the only way to break the cycle.

So, in light of this enlightenment, I encourage everyone to make one change in their life this month.  Make it for the positive.  This year I have changed homes, changed my diet, changed my physical size, aimed for goals, returned to practicing my religion, began dancing, applied for jobs and school, and began tutoring a subject I love.  But this total metamorphosis is not necessary for everyone, only those who like me find themselves in a rut and cannot bring themselves out of it.

Change your hair, change your clothes, change your friends, change your comfort zone.  And in the end, a change will do you good.

Evergreen Grrrl!

This past summer I was hospitalized for perhaps the worse bout of depression I have ever experienced.  This is probably why I chose “To Write Love On Her Arms” as my SocialVibe charity of choice.   Having reached an all time low, with my disability due to chronic migraines and severe fibromyalgia, being unable to teach or finish graduate school, losing my life love, moving back to BFE, and finally the death of my close cousin, I lost the will to continue down this path we call life.

While in the hospital, I met a lovely man who very quickly became a close companion.  Before leaving his stent at the hospital, he drew an amazing picture and gave copies to all of those that had touched him while he was there.  This pencil drawing depicted all of the things that led him to his place in life.  On the bottom, he wrote: “Stay green.”  I pondered over this image for a second because there was nothing “GREEN” about it.  Not even the paper it was drawn on had been recycled.  I asked him what he meant by the phrase and he so eloquently stated that to be green is to be young, always willing to know and grow, taking in all that surrounds us, easily adaptable, and ready for change.

He had no knowledge of my own personal quests: religion, health, independence, wisdom, love, and a greater view of myself and the change that I could make for myself or others.  So I have now adopted this motto of “staying green,” hence the title of this blog.  I hope that you will allow me to travel this road at my own pace with the guidance of those sages that inspire me daily.  I encourage you to travel this road as well, stay evergreen, and allow the grrrl to express herself.