Cleaning House!

Well, I never thought the day would come when I would actually have to “Clean House.”  It is spring and the cat is shedding, so I must do the same.  So much has happened in the last year that I need to clean my own space, my mind, my soul, and my spirit.

In the past year, I have lost almost 75 lbs. (shrinking almost 4 sizes), been hospitalized twice for depression, became vegetarian (September 2009), began tutoring Latin again, starting dating, applied to graduate school, reclaimed my religion, and have actually started “looking ahead.”  Then it happened.  I was used by a man  who stole my car, money, and belongings while I was sick and only trying to help someone else who seemed down on his luck.  Then, my best friend of 6 years got married and I learned of it via a social networking site.  I was not good enough for either of these men, and I let it hurt me.  I now hurt deeply.

However, I cannot allow myself to float down into that dark abyss any longer.  I need to carry on with my life and go forward.  Dwelling on negative events gets us nowhere.  I guess that I will keep repeating that until I actually feel the affirmations working.  I am going to have to get “where I live” and remodel.  Yes, remodel for my own good.  I need to cut the crap, throw away things that are garbage and only leave negativity, take a positive stance for myself, and conquer the loneliness and worthlessness that hovers like a black cloud.  I don’t know where to begin, and it may take me a week of list-making in order to figure that out for myself.

Luckily, I have 2 new friends who share in my illnesses and a sister that needs me as much as I need her.  I would rather have that handful of friends than all of the acquaintances in the world!  Hopefully, they will help me achieve stasis and keep me busy in my time of need just as I have done and will continue to do in theirs.

Please help me figure out where to begin the change!

Bee well

I was reading this month’s issue of Skirt! magazine (www.skirt.com) and ran across an ad for Bee Well Wishes (www.beewellwishes.com).  This is a lovely company that developed after a woman had a tumor while pregnant, but due to feeding tubes and allergies, could not accept the loving gifts of food and flowers.  Instead, her favorite gift was a pair of comfy pajamas.  I cannot tell you how many days I have spent in pajamas over the last six years.  When you are severely disabled, all you can do is sit around in bed.

I think that the “bee” design is very poignant.  Bees remind me of the bittersweetness of life.  Sometimes we have to go through a horrible sting in order to get something as sweet as honey.  I even have a tattoo of a bee on my back.  Mind you, Melissa means “honeybee” in Ancient Greek, so it reminds me of something that is near and dear to my heart.  While in the hospital recently for depression, I even decided to make my own “feel-good” pillow case which reminded me of the good things in my life.  On it, I drew a bee.  Little did I know that a company was already out there making blankets and pillowcases with the same design for just the same purpose.

So, the next time you feel the urge to send someone a gift who is ill, please turn to this company.  Believe me, flowers will die and food will be consumed, but pillowcases, blankets, and pajamas will be used time and time again.  And everytime the recipient looks at this lovely gift, she will remember all of the wishes to “Bee Well,” and her spirit will be renewed.